Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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