um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
