whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
