You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Boobs are out for the taking
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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