it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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