he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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