you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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