remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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