You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
