Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
