Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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