At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
