I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
