am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
