You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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