When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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