How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
