oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
