Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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