fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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