even my farts smell like vagina
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
