you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
