Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
