a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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