What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
