so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
