he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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