i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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