love makes seman taste better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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