Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
