after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
