You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
this hospital has no fireball
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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