scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
