I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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