I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
