i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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