I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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