I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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