dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
