I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
