Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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