We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
