a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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