The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
