He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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