I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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