i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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