I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
