Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
