Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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