um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
