but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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