This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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