Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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