Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
