One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
