He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
