i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
