i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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