Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize