So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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