Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
