I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
