that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
