the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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