I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
