it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
