When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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