I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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